Calm in the Room. Swearing at the Broker.

The building where my practice is based is closing.

While I was calculating whether I could afford the deposit to move my treatment room, someone told me,

“I think you’re a healer.”

That same week another client said the phrase I once told him — “Be the captain of your own ship” —

had helped him immensely.

It came back like a boomerang. Right when I was mentally setting fire to the whole thing.

That’s the part people don’t see.

I can hold someone’s nervous system steady

and then go home and feel my own wobble.

I can be the calm one in the room and still mutter a couple of well-aimed fuck offs at an email from a broker or a landlord who treats small businesses like disposable furniture.

I’m human.

On the autistic spectrum.

Doing what everyone else is doing — the best I can with what I’ve got.

I never wanted to “play the spectrum card.”

First of all, I’m a man.

But relocation hits differently for me.

It presses on a lifetime of trauma and displacement.

Is that dramatic? Maybe.

Is it real? Absolutely.

I’m 53 and still unsettled sometimes.

There’s this idea that if you work in wellness you must float above reality - No stress. No money pressure. No anger. No doubts. Just perfectly regulated and softly lit at all times. And yes — I know my duty.

When I’m with a client, I hold the space.

I manage transference, counter-transference, projection, the whole psych textbook.

But let’s be clear:

I’m not a healer.

There are no healers in personal growth.

There are people who take responsibility.

You heal yourself.

I facilitate.

I read the body.

I notice patterns.

I hold the space.

You decide what to do with it.

Most of us are doing meaningful, life-changing work

while simultaneously dealing with very ordinary problems —

rent, deposits, paperwork, anxiety spikes, and the occasional existential spiral on a Tuesday morning.

What I’ve learned lately is this:

Stability isn’t a mood.

It’s a decision.

Healing isn’t a halo.

It’s staying present while your own life wobbles.

Sometimes it’s messy.

Sometimes it involves coffee, spreadsheets, and a few strategically placed fuck offs.

But the work continues.

And so do I.

Stay tuned - All the best

Serge